Jigsaw by Nyarath Gatkuoth
2024
Spoken Word
Commissioned for Retrospection and MAV’s Annual General Meeting 2024.
“Stuck to the bottom of caged cockroach sandals is the missing piece.
It has trailblazed the glaring heat of the Egyptian Saharan
Beat off swarms of army worms
And sought refuge in the Nile.
Is what they’d like to hear-
A complete puzzle, neglecting the abstract pieces that
can’t find their way home
Or missing parts of tongues that loosely drank
from the white hands of English
But I tell them:
Jigsaw puzzles do not come complete
It has been twenty years now
And I awake to find new pieces everyday
So, when they ask, I don’t know what say of
the piece that left home at two years old
Or the ones buried deep in recesses of my soul.
But when the microphone is to my lips,
And the goading hands of English ask me to speak of the pieces
I rush to conjoin stories my mother is too heartbroken to complete, too young for a child to hear and too painful to recount.
Prideful imposter to boast of your mother’s land you’ve never been born in
Or tell stories ended with ellipses you fill in blanks
To fill in the blanks of who you’re supposed to be.
Jigsaw puzzles do not come complete.
With good reason as it takes time,
patience and self-discovery to piece what has been forgotten,
and unearth what has been buried.
But let my mother tell it:
“eh Jin kawjat?”
“Are you white?”
She ask, when I confuse Jin for egun, I for you
Speak English at home, eat with knives and forks.
But I know what really, she is saying is that,
I am losing my piece.
See, the same hands that pushed now pull
me to their soap box labeled ‘diversity’ to speak of
‘my people’ and when my 15 minutes are over,
I am paid in tokens to piece it back together
all over again.
Jigsaw puzzles do not come complete.
But the process of repair lies in
the valley of these lips and the weaving of
Thuk Nath, Ɣän latä-
I’ll speak, of the power that
these pieces that hold us together,
Storm the weather to keep us dry
Despite the hails of rebuke,
We remain firm and tethered.
By now you know:
Jigsaw puzzles do not come complete.
So, some practical advice:
Find the corners first.
Yes, first you must peel back layers
Of what was told and what is to be said,
And find what keeps you intact
In order to feel whole.
You cannot impose the pieces to where you think go, but simply let them find their way and let them
Be.
I’ve finally learnt:
Jigsaw puzzles don’t come complete, and nor do I.”
about Nyarath Gatkuoth
Nyarath is a South Sudanese spoken word poet, writer and facilitator balancing the conflicts of her creativity on the unceded land of the Boonwurrong and Wurendjeri people.
With loud passion, she hopes to bring together life’s quiet moments to unite audiences. Through her practice, she hopes to inspire others to create, make and most importantly, connect.
